


How Many Times

by glow_worm



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Just sibling stuff, Mentions of previous deaths but none in here, Protective Siblings, kind of, twins being twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22364329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glow_worm/pseuds/glow_worm
Summary: Lup died again and Taako's had enough. The cycle resets; the twins have an argument.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	How Many Times

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhere around the 40th cycle, but pre-Legato Conservatory.  
> This was meant to be a really short drabble, whoops.

When Lup opened her eyes, she was back on the Starblaster—in the same seat she always returned to, with the same scrapes and bruises she had gotten on a day so long ago but needed to tend to every year.

She looked around at the familiar scene, more confused than anything else because she could not remember dying.

Everyone seemed pretty sure of themselves, with the exception of Lucretia who also seemed a little out of place.

“Welcome back, ladies." Magnus said gruffly as the Starblaster wove through debris towards the next plane.

Lucretia and Lup exchanged glances, then shrugged.

Lup had died a few times already. If she wasn’t mistaken, this was probably the ninth. The IPRE crew had been at this for many years now. Considering the situation, nine times wasn’t too bad.

However, Lup seemed to be having a hard time staying alive lately. Nine deaths total so far, but the last three cycles in a row added to that count. And for all three, she had died very early on in the year.

Usually in a cycle where Lup died but Taako survived, he would greet her immediately once she reappeared on the ship at the start of a new cycle. He would stare expectantly at her chair and wait for her to come back. Most of the time he looked relieved and gave her a big smile, or a pat on the shoulder. One time he had broken down, and just grabbed her hand and held on for a while as he hid his tears behind his hat.

This time, nothing.

She looked to her right, where like clockwork her brother would always be on the reset day.

He was facing forward, expressionless. His eyes were directed towards her, but they showed no semblance of emotion. When he saw her looking at him, he gave her a small nod of acknowledgement and turned his gaze away to stare off into space.

Lup wondered what was wrong, but did not speak. Any post-death cycle recaps always had to wait until Davenport safely landed the Starblaster and the crew did at least minimal investigation of the new plane to make sure they were not in danger.

Taako was very aloof once the discussions began. Davenport and Barry led the recap, though Magnus and Merle chimed in with a joke a few times. Lup learned that she and Lucretia both kicked the bucket just five days into the cycle, leaving the guys alone for the rest of the year.

“We missed that female energy,” Merle jibed.

“Gross,” Lup said.

As Lucretia furiously took notes on Davenport’s account of the previous cycle, Lup noticed that Taako was gone.

She looked to Barry, who subtly gestured with his head to the stairs that led to the upper deck. He gave her a pat on the shoulder as she walked past him to climb up.

When Lup got to the deck, she found Taako leaning over a rail looking out at the sunset over the new planet.

The sky was full of stars which shone in spite of the last dregs of daylight. The horizon was painted teal and yellow. It was beautiful.

Taako’s ears perked slightly when he heard Lup’s footsteps, but he did not turn around.

Lup sat on a metal box that housed some of the ship’s machinery and stretched her arms. They were always sore on the reset day, and would stay stiff until she tranced that night. It was one part of the reset-routine that she had come to accept.

“So,” she prompted. “What’s up?”

Taako stood up a little straighter and looked over his shoulder at her. He turned back to the horizon, shaking his head slowly as a gentle breeze swept through his hair.

Lup sat on her hands to avoid fidgeting, and stared him down. She knew he probably wanted her to pry some more, but was not going to play that game. So she waited in silence, taking in the sunset and the landscape of the strange new plane.

It took a while, but Taako finally turned to face his sister. Although his face and body looked the same as they did every year, the expression is his eyes were different. He seemed cold and lifeless.

He let out a quiet huff and folded his arms across his chest before speaking.

“How many times am I going to have to bury you, Lup?”

She was taken aback. Lup stood up, bemused.

“Is that what this is about?” She asked. “Taako. We’ve been at this for _so_ long. You know we always come ba—“

“Yeah, we _have_ been at this for so long,” Taako interrupted. “But you’ve been MIA for three years in a row.”

Lup held her hands up, an eyebrow raised. She nearly laughed, “I’m sorry—are you mad at me for dying?”

He pressed a palm to his face. “No, Lup, but—”

“Because you realize there have been _plenty_ of cycles where _I’ve_ watched _you_ die, right?”

“I _know_ that, but that’s not what I—”

“What the hell happened to you last year that has you so bitter?”

Taako took a step back, his eyes defiant.

“Last _year_?” He repeated. “Well while we’re on the subject, how’s about I fill you in on the year before that? And the year before _that_? Spoiler alert! It was shitty.”

Lup balled her hands into fists, irritated, but didn’t say anything. She was ready to argue, but tried to hear him out since he apparently needed to blow off some steam.

“You realize in the last three years we’ve only been together for maybe four weeks, tops?”

She leaned over a railing, bewildered, adrenaline rising. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she thought about Taako going through daily life, cooking for the crew, and fighting off the Hunger without her for three straight years. On the few occasions she survived something that Taako did not, the nights were immeasurably lonely. With the rest of the crew needing sleep, her brother’s absence was unbearable once the others went to bed. She relaxed a little bit.

“I know how hard it can be,” she said softly. “I’m sure you had some really long nights. But it’s unfair to be mad at me when, again—you have also died a bunch of times.”

“It’s not the same,” Taako snapped.

Lup retorted with derision: “Oh, _sure,_ it’s not the same.”

“It’s not,” he pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes tight. “Lup, when _I_ die it’s because shit went south. When _you_ die it’s because you pulled some ridiculous stunt!”

Taako took off his hat and set it down on a table, gathering his thoughts.

“That’s—” Lup stumbled. “That’s not—”

“I’ve seen you ripped apart by the Hunger,” Taako griped. “I’ve seen you impaled, burned, bitten, and blown up.”

He went on, “I lost you _twice_ in a row and I _just_ got you back and what do you do? Dive off a cliff to save some little brat who, by the way, got his shit absolutely wrecked by the Hunger at the end of the cycle.”

Lup tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She couldn’t really remember the details of her most recent death, but knew she had tried hard to save a young boy. “I—I couldn’t just let him—what, Taako, you want me to just _ignore_ everyone we meet like _you_ do?”

“I want you to stop throwing your lives away just because you can!” Taako exclaimed, raising his voice.

He sat down and continued, returning to a normal volume. “Lup. You’re your own individual. You know I’ve always supported the decisions you make. I’m never gonna tell you what to do. But sometimes you don’t think things through. And yeah, we always come back. For now. But...I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I just have this feeling that one day you’re gonna go somewhere I can’t follow, and you’re gonna do something stupid and get yourself in a shit situation and no one is gonna be around to get you out of it.”

Lup stood awkwardly holding her arm, feeling a little guilty.

“We’re a family, Lup. I don’t just mean you and me. I mean all seven of us,” Taako said, struggling to admit it. “Don’t you think we should try to stick together?”

“I—” She put her hands in her pockets and cut herself off, at a loss for words. Lup looked up at the sky, which was fairly dark now. The sun had set quickly. “I’m going back inside.”

Lup looked back over her shoulder as she descended the stairs. Taako was watching her with indifference, his eyes completely hollow.

She rejoined the others for a while, hearing more stories of the previous year. She cooked, but Taako did not come down to eat.

“What’s going on with Taako?” Lucretia asked.

Magnus rubbed his head. “He got attached to someone in the last cycle. We...we all did. That kid that Lup saved.” He pushed his food around on his plate. “That’s a story for another time. Just give him some space, he’ll bounce back in no time.”

Lup cocked an eyebrow, but did not press anyone for details until later on when she had some time alone with Barry.

“We all really missed you,” Barry said. “And Lucretia. It’s been weird without you two.”

“Taako’s pissed at me,” Lup grumbled.

“Yeah,” he smiled. “I am too.”

Lup’s head snapped up, and she looked at him with surprise.

Barry shrugged, though his demeanor was cheerful and not confrontational.

“Your last couple of deaths have been pretty pointless,” Barry explained. “Lucretia’s was an accident, but you were reckless. You know it starts getting really difficult when we drop down to five.”

“I—was I supposed to just let him die?”

“No! But there were plenty of ways to save him that didn’t involve you plummeting to your death.”

“I was out of spell slots!”

“I wasn’t!” Barry countered. “And neither was Taako, and neither was Davenport!”

Lup shut up, a little embarrassed.

“I’m just glad to have you back,” Barry said. “Taako is, too. I know it maybe doesn’t seem like it. He’s just become a lot more independent lately. Plus with that kid following him around all year, it was a rough cycle for him.”

“What happened with that?” Lup prompted, keeping her voice low.

Barry took a breath and let it out slowly, trying to figure out how to begin. “You saved that little boy, and he—he got super depressed, actually, he felt really guilty that you died. And we told him not to worry about it, but—how could we possibly begin to explain that you were gonna just come back? So anyway, he started following Taako around. I guess cause he looks like you.”

Lup pictured a tiny human trailing after her brother and couldn’t help but laugh a little, even though she knew the story would not have a happy ending.

“Yeah—it was a sight for sure.”

“I have to say,” Lup interrupted. “That’s adorable. Was Taako good with him?”

“No,” Barry responded instantly. “Taako was kind of an asshole to him, honestly. Well, definitely an asshole.” Barry laughed a little, but his smile faded. “He tried not to get attached but how could he not? The kid wouldn’t leave him alone. And you died trying to save him. So Taako stayed with him until the end.”

Lup’s brow furrowed and she brushed a hand through her hair.

“But, hey,” Barry said. “Don’t worry about it. Like Magnus said, he just needs some time. He’ll come around. As long as you don’t get yourself killed again.”

Lup stood up, and went to go find her brother.

She knocked on his door.

“Taako?” She called softly.

She tried the door; it was unlocked. She cautiously pushed it open.

Taako was sitting on his bed, his arm draped over one knee, staring off into space. His gaze lolled to the side to see his sister.

Lup sat down next to him and, to his surprise, pulled him into a hug.

He didn’t do anything for a minute, unsure, but eventually gave in. He placed a hand on his sister’s arm and leaned in to her embrace, resting his head on hers.

“I promise,” she began, breaking the silence after a while. “I will make every effort to stay alive this entire cycle, and I will be more careful from now on.”

Taako did not respond, for he knew that was likely an empty promise.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment!  
> Come say hi at glow-worm.tumblr.com


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